A Tragic past does not define your present.

A Tragic past does not define your present. 

In our lives we all have tragic events that happen to us.  We have all experienced times in our lives that have been tragic and difficult to deal with.  In those moments of heartbreak and pain we find ourselves drowning in the pain.  We may find it hard to breath it shows on you physical self just as much as our emotional.  These times can be brought on by the actions of others and our expectations of those people and how they should act.  It can be a death in life that causes those times of hurt.  It can be so many different things that can cause these pains.  No matter what the reason for the tragedies we have in life we all have ways that we deal with those things and how we process that pain. 

Some people deal with those things very quickly and move to the next level in life.  Their happiness set point is at a point where they go back to being happy and have the confidence to move to that and process the pain.  Some are taught from an early age how to deal with setbacks and move forward and learn from them.  However some others are not taught these things in life and allow the hurts and pains define them for a very long time.  They allow the hurt to linger for so many reasons.  Some let it linger cause they would feel they betrayed the other if they moved on.  Some don’t have the confidence to move on.  Some allow others to control their emotions.  There again is so many reasons to hold on to pain. 

 With all that being said we should not allow our tragedy in the past to define what happens in our present.  We have all heard everything happens for a reason and that there are lessons in everything.  Those are both true but we have to learn the skills to find those lessons change our behavior and go to that next level in life.  So many of us get stuck in the pain and tragedy of life that we don’t get to see the beauty in life.  We believe our happiness is in the next vacation or in the next shopping trip.  We fail to heal our hearts and move forward to the next level.  I am learning myself how to deal with a lot of pain in my life that I have carried most my life.  Pain from parents and from family pain from events pain from death.  I know that I have to move forward and allow healing to happen as do all people if we are to move to the next amazing level life has to offer us. 

So what I want to know from my readers how do you deal with the pains from life?  What are you still holding on too?  You can contact me anyway you want if you want to share.  I will not share anything with anyone.  I am using the methods I have learned and I am enjoying seeing life for the joy and newness that it is.  I honestly think that the first step to healing in honesty about the situation and to stop placing blame on others.  Honesty and taking full responsibility for where you are in life are the things I think are so important to anyone’s happiness. 

So as I leave you I want you to think about the pain you are holding on too.  Why not just forgive?  Why not take responsibility for where you are in life and move forward instead of staying in the same place?  Are you living in the moment?  And are you being honest and authentic in everyday life? 

If you are not happy and holding pain ask yourself these questions.  Then move forward reach out to start the healing process take the first step.  Listen to a podcast. Call a friend. Ask for help. Anything to start the process of healing rolling. 

Is you past defining you?

Last night I spent time talking to the girlfriend about some of our past experiences and our family backgrounds.  As I found each of us sharing our past experiences it struck me how real all those things were to me again now that I was talking about them.  Things I don’t think about on a normal basis but when I did bring them to the front of my memory how they had shaped a lot of my actions in life.  We talked about parents about uncles and aunts.  It just came to me how much we don’t know about our past also.  It also got me to thinking about how much I wish I knew.  Everyone has a past some that we share with others and some that we don’t.  I wonder what some of my families truths were.  I wonder what type of people they were on the inside. 

These wonders are normal because the human heart wants to know where I came from.  What gave you your traits?  Who had blonde hair in your family?  Where did the curly hair come from?  All these different questions and some of us never find out the answer.  Some families are not as close as others.  I have family I would not even know if they were standing in front of me.  Some families have reunions every year.  Some never see each other until someone dies.  I have found both of these have positive and negative traits about them.  It is amazing to think that a lot of our happiness and habits is based on someone I have never met because they passed those traits and habits down. 

In the case of some of our inherited traits and attitudes we need to learn better ones if we are going to rise above where we started.  Most people born into a way of life stay in those habits all of their lives.  If you are born into a wealthy family you normally stay wealthy.  If you are born into poverty you normally don’t rise about poverty.  Why is this?  Most of the habits and attitudes we have in life are passed down from one generation to the next.

I don’t say these things to say you can’t rise above.  I am working in my life to rise about right now.  I am making some huge changes to rise above what I was taught.  But to make these changes I have to think and act different then I have before.   If you want to change your life you have to change the way you think first.  Then the universe will catch up.  I am working to change these things now.  It has been a slow process but I am making very good progress.  In the coming weeks I wanna share some of the mindset and action changes I had and are still making.  Please if you see a way you have had to change your habits to rise above please let me know. 

So with those things being said.  Think about your life and your habits.  Are they past down?  Are they serving your purpose in life?  And are you living in the moment in love or are you living in fear? 

Thank you again for reading.  Much love.  Nameste.  

Pearls of Wisdom

Becoming a beautiful Pearl

I learned something about pearls the other day.  I think we would all agree pearls are a very beautiful creation of nature.  One of the most beautiful things that you can give a loved one.  Most pearls are passed down from mothers to daughters.  These are held very precious in families.  Pearls are created because the sand irritates the clam and as a way to cope with that pain the clam creates a layer of enamel to smooth the sand out.  This over time creates what we know as a pearl.   In the bible jesus talked about a man selling all he had for a pearl of great beauty. 

Pearls are created by hardship on the clam.  I think that we become pearls over our lives.  When we have troubles and harsh times come our way we find ways to cope we find ways to rise above these things and become better to become more beautiful.  Over a life time we create coverage of our hurts and pains.  The beauty we experience in life comes from some of our roughest times.  When I look back at my hardships I see that I needed each and every one of them to be who I am today.  The blessings I have in my life are from the lessons I learned from each and every hardship.  So when you are going through the hardships that we must look for the lessons.  We must find that in every difficult thing in life there is a positive takeaway when we find this we can move to our next level of beauty and happiness.  Creating a beautiful life is about understanding that hardships will come but you alone control how you handle them and when you move on. 

I hope that my writings find you well.  I have not been writing lately due to not having internet.  Thank you again for reading.  

I am hurt

How many times have you said those words.  This person hurt my feelings.  I am hurt because they didn't do what i wanted them too.  Why didn't they love me the way i wanted them too.

There is a lot of ways that we lead ourselves to being hurt.  So many ways we can have our feelings damaged by the actions of others.  So many times that we go though strife in our lives and the person that hurt us doesn't even know.  So to have our feelings hurt is a human trait.  For some people this trait happens on a daily basis.  They have issues with others actions on a daily basis.

So are you happy with getting your feelings hurt?  Is that a emotion that you like to experience?  Most people i assume would say no to this question.  So why do we allow others to control our emotions so regularly?  We alone hold the key to that question.  Because there is a truth of the universe you always control your reactions to others actions.  So if that is a universe truth then why do we react negative when we don't like that feeling of the negative emotion?

Well isn't that the 5 million dollar question of happiness.  I  think to answer the question fully we have to look at our conditioning.  We as humans only have actually 10% of our actions on a daily basis that is not conditioned responses.  We are told from a very young age how to react to actions from others.  We are taught that when we don't get what we want to cry and we might get it.  If someone doesn't say what we like to look at the reasons in ourselves they said it.  I honestly think that most of our conditioned responses that we are taught from our parents and others are wrong responses to the stimulus we experience in this world.

 Take fear for example most parents have taught the children when you feel fear to back off.  When you feel that fear response to not go further till you think about it.  I have come to belive that the fear response is releasing the hormones to keep going.  To give us the mental clarity to push though that comfort zone.  But that is for another writing just using that as an example.

So if we are conditioned to give certain responses can we not change those responses to ones that would be better for our well-being and happiness.  So when someone does something to you that would normally hurt your feelings can we not teach ourselves to have a different reaction and better reaction?  We can decide to not hold on to the things people do to us.

This is just a thought i wanted to run past all of my readers.  It is something to think about in everyday life.  I have started using the 180 method to think about others actions differently.  When someone does something that gains a negative response i turn that response and my thoughts 180 degrees from where they were.  I don't always do it but with that a breath exercises i have learned that i can control my reactions.  i will actually be sharing some more about this in my next blog.

I thank you again so much for reading.  Please share this with a friend if you like what i write.  it would help a ton.

I am the victim

Wow What a statement that is.  I AM THE VICTIM.

It is something that a lot of people live on a daily basis.  I did for a long time.  No matter what my situation i always found a reason i was the victim of someone else's actions.  I think that can be one of the biggest defeating attitudes.  Because if you are the victim then even when you do achieve then it is not even your achievement.

I am around a lot of people in my life with the victim mindset.  When something goes wrong the first reaction is to find someone or something to blame for the mistake.  Think about it in your life at work when something goes wrong do the people around you or even yourself look to point the finger.  take the blame and push to to someone else because it will make your life easier.

Take a look at the place you are in life.  Why, in your mind, are you at this point in life?  When you tell your story in your head who is responsible for the place you have in this world?  For a very long time i told myself that it was others FAULT that my life was where it was.  But that also meant when i did something good i would not take full responsibility.

Life is about what YOU do with it not what others do to you.  The control of your life lives within you and you have the ability to create the life that you want.  So truly honestly no one is the victim of anyone else's action for their attitude or place in life.  We have the choice of how to feel about how others treat us and we allow them to stay in our lives or not.  Ultimately when life is over and you are in your last moments what we have done in our life will never be in others hands.  It will be in our hands to look at life and what WE have made of these years on this earth.

Remember You control your thoughts and actions no one else.

Your Birth right

The Definition of the word birthright is a particular right of possession or privilege one has from birth.  This is something that you have the privilege of having just by being born into this world.  It is something that you can take just because you breath on this earth.  

I Truly believe that everyone in this earth has the birthright to be happy.  It is yours to have and it is your right to take.  Happiness can be yours and it is your responsibility to obtain happiness for yourself.  It is no one else's responsibility to make you happy but your own.  No one else's actions, thoughts, or attitudes have any responsibility to make you happy.  Not your husband, your wife, or your family have the responsibility to MAKE you happy.  only you have that responsibility.  I have used the word responsibility a lot in the writing so far because it is so important to obtaining your birthright of living happy and in abundance.  

Only i can effect my happiness.  Yes others can bring good feelings to you and make you feel good.  But ultimately you have to make the choice to be happy in the situations gives you.  Think about this we have all seen someone in a great atmosphere that has chosen to be unhappy even though everything around them says they should be happy.  Well why can't we do it the other way.  Why can't we see the beauty in life in every situation that life gives us.  Even death can be a beautiful thing from a certain perspective.  i have a friend that is a hospice nurse.  Most people tell her that has to be a terrible job watching people die.  no it doesn't have to be a terrible job.  it is a beautiful job that God only gives to the strongest people on the earth to escort people to the next dimension of life is so beautiful.  See all it takes is a 180 turn on things to look at it from a different light.  This technique can bring you close to contentment with life in all situations.  To know that there is beauty in all situations.  Sometimes it is hard to see the beauty and you can't in the storm of the pain in the situation.  Some times it takes time to hurt and to let it bleed.  but the longer you stay in the sadness the harder it is to see the beauty allow yourself that time to bleed but look at from other perspectives as soon as you can.  

We are resposible for your happiness the moment you put in others hands is the moment you lose control of life and feel lost.  when we take the responsibility to heart and know every moment we have the choice of what we feel we are freed from others control and have true freedom in life to be who we are and to be happy.  

You will never find happiness because it lives inside your heart already.  

So take your Birthright and make the choice to be happy by changing your thought processes.  It is not something easy to do but it is your responsibility if you want to be happy and obtain your birthright.  

Rejection

There is a saying the when someone rejects you it says more about them then about you.

I have thought about this saying because i have been rejected here lately and it was one that stung.  By what we are told in this wise saying when this woman stopped talking to me it was because soemthing going on with her and not me.  This is a comforting statement because it takes all the blame off of us.  I do believe people reject us due to their own issues and they are unwilling to accept you for who you are because of their issues with not being open to you.  But i also think rejection has something to do with us.  a lot of time we go after the wrong people or put our needs to the back and the universe feels that and causes the rejection.  We send out thoughts and waves which impact the universe telling it what we wont.  If we think i don't wanna lose this person since we are focused on losing them that is what happens.

I have always felt very deeply very quickly for the people in my life not just in dating but in friendships.  This has always left me open for the hurt of rejection.  I have felt it before and know the sick feeling that someone doesn't want you in their life but you would like to be in theirs.  I have learned in life that everyone is in your life for a season and they teach you something.  That is the wonderful thing about rejection you can learn something everytime.  Because i know that if i am being authentic not everyone will like me.  And i love that fact.